Tweets From The World Series

For a Sox fan, there is only one thing worse than the baseball season being over. As of Wednesday night, the baseball season is over because the New York Yankees won the World Series. If that doesn't deserve a "FML," I don't know what does.

I hadn't been watching much of the Series prior to Game 6; as I've stated before on this blog, I hate watching the Yankees for any reason. I broke my own rule for Game 6, however, mainly because Pedro Martinez was pitching in a must-win game and Pedro is the only active player I would want to have in that situation. I'm a little biased towards the guy thanks to his time on the Sox (sub-par Game 6 performance aside, I'd have the man's babies in an instant), so I decided to break my Twitter boycott and bring back my Tweets From Game (Fill In The Blank) series for as long as Pedro was in the game.

I'll complain about the Series on another occasion (God knows I have a lot to complain about...damn Yankees and their 27 championships and their rich owner and their ridiculously hot WAGs), but for now, enjoy my Tweets From The World Series.
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6:42 pm: Just realized Ozzie Guillen is a World Series analyst...bleepin' hilarious
--Does anyone else think it's ironic and awesome that baseball's answer to Bobby Knight was an analyst on FOX for the Series?

6:48: Someone step on a cat with bronchitis? Jesus that sucked
--Can someone please tell me how the hell Mary J. Blige earned a record deal? I've done better renditions of the National Anthem when I was singing in the shower and too drunk to remember the words.

6:54: Hard to believe this will be Pedro and Pettitte's first postseason matchup...go Petey!!!!
--FOX plays a promo that states that Game 6 will pit Pedro and Andy Pettitte against each other in the playoffs for the first time. Interesting for two guys who have been on so many playoff teams, particularly during Pedro's Red Sox years. Guess Pettitte was never an ace...oh, no I didn't!

7:07 pm: Mound meeting after one pitch? Wtf Pedro
--In all my years of watching baseball, I can't remember another time when I saw a meeting on the mound after one pitch (unless this was the pitch).

7:09: Matchup of the Idiots: Pedro 1, Judas 0
--Petey strikes out Judas with a 75-mph changeup. In case you're wondering, the answer is no: I have not referred to Judas by his given name since he betrayed the Sox.

7:28: Hey, Petey hit 86 mph...woot woot
--Pedro, who had been struggling with his velocity, finally breaks the 85-mph barrier for the first time all game.

7:29: 88? Hot damn
--...and on the very next pitch, he practically breaks the speed of light. Okay, not really.

7:32: Joe Buck thinks Pedro "could very well" get into the Hall...I think Joe Buck is an idiot
--Pedro has been the best pitcher in the Steroid Era; he is a LOCK to make the Hall of Fame on his first ballot. Joe Buck thinks he "could very well" make the Hall? Joe is, in my humble opinion, a...

7:43: When learn to speak English, Joe Buck will?
--Buck has this incredibly irritating habit of putting his subjects at the end of his sentences; "0-for-5, Francisco is." Stop it, Joe.

7:59: Matchup of the Idiots: Pedro 1, Judas 1
--Judas walks, and I die a little inside.

8:01 pm: Come on, Petey...you're supposed to hit JUDAS. Preferably in the face.
--Pedro hits the very next batter, Mark Texiera, with a pitch to load the bases. If you're going to hit anyone, please hit the traitorous sunofabitch with no morals, loyalty, or male genitalia.

8:05: That's why Pedro's the best pitcher in the 'Roid Era...he makes 'roiders look stupid
--Petey makes A-Roid look like, well...

8:12: Aww, did ickle Judas get a booboo? Grow a pair, douchebag
--Judas leaves the game with a hamstring pull. There's nothing I enjoy more than seeing Judas get hurt, but I really do prefer when it's something manly. Like what Randy Johnson did to that bird. That would be manly, Judas. Take notes.

8:46: I really hope that's not the last we see of Pedro...not his best stuff, but a champion nonetheless
--Pedro was pulled after five innings. It was the last appearance of his contract with the Phillies, and I don't have words to express how badly I want him to come back for another year. He's one of my favorite players ever; I'll even forgive him for the shitshow that was Game 6 (more on that in my next post).

Top Three Pedro vs. Yankees Moments

Last week, Pedro Martinez (in his infinite awesomeness) claimed that he is "the most influential player that ever stepped in Yankee Stadium." This is up for debate (some guy named Babe Ruth spent quite a bit of time in the Cathedral, after all), but the 38-year-old has had more than his share of fabulous moments against the Pinstripes. I love the guy for all the time he put in with the Sox, and when Petey gets another chance to face the Yanks in an hour, I'll personally be hoping for another one of these:

3. Jeter and Soriano Hospitalized: Pedro has never been afraid of any batter, and proved it in 2003 when he sent both Derek Jeter and Alfonso Soriano to the hospital with beanballs. Throwing at batters is one of my least favorite parts of the game, but I'll excuse anything when it happens to the Yankees. Which leads quite nicely to...

2. The Pedro-Zimmer Incident: I don't exactly condone this particular moment, but you can't deny that it helped cement his legacy as the Yanks' most-hated opponent of the decade. Yankees bench coach Don Zimmer was 72 years old, and should have known better than to bullrush anybody during a bench-clearing brawl. Pedro probably shouldn't have grabbed his face and pushed him to the ground, but what else would he have done in the situation? Baseball rules don't allow a pitcher to carry a toreador flag onto the field, so Pedro did the next best thing. Not that I condone violence against the Yankees, of course.


1. Pedro's 17 K's: Vintage Pedro, the guy the Phillies really need to show up tonight. On September 10, 1999, Petey blew the Yankees away with 17 strikeouts in a one-hit complete game; the win helped wrap up Pedro's first Cy Young award, and helped me fall in love with the guy. Who's your daddy, New York?

A Moment Of Schadenfreude

I haven't been following the World Series especially closely, because I hate the Yankees so much that I try to avoid watching them unless it's absolutely necessary (i.e., when they play the Sox). I've been keeping track of the scores, and that's about it...until last night.

I was sitting on the Internet in GirlfriendRach's room following Game 5 last night, and I came across this gem on Yahoo!. I started cackling uncontrollably, because I am a horrible person and I love watching the Yankees suffer. GirlfriendRach, who has so far been able to resist my attempts to turn her into a baseball fan, looked up at me and delivered the line of the night.

Me: "Mwahaha...heeheehee...hehehe...hohoho..."
GirlfriendRach: "...baby, I love you but that's really creepy."

Yeah, I get that a lot.

Smell That? That's The Postseason!

Good news, Sox fans: after a long bout with bronchitis and a series of computer problems (the bureaucrats at my university thought it would be a good idea to lock me out of my Internet account for three weeks), your favorite angry, whiny Californian Sox blogger is back in business. I know that this blog is the only source of Red Sox information for most of my readers (cough, Rachael, cough), so this should make you very happy. Just in time for the playoffs, too.

October has arrived, and along with the crappy weather and inundation of Halloween swag at your local CVS, that means that playoff baseball is here. This makes me unbelievably happy. It seems like the Sox play the Anaheim Angels (I'm from California; Anaheim is most definitely NOT in Los Angeles, no matter what Angels owner Arte Moreno wants you to think) in the ALDS every year, and this also makes me very happy. That's because the BoSox are 9-1 over the past three postseason series against the Not Los Angeles Angels. The Angels obviously would like to break that trend this year, so I will break down the key matchups in my very objective and unbiased opinion.

Starting Pitching

The Sox throw Jon Lester, Josh Beckett and Clay Buchholz against Anaheim, who counter with John Lackey, Jered Weaver and Scott Kazmir. These are easily the most compelling pitching matchups in this round of the playoffs, the only ones that could really go either way every night. All five except Buchholz have had postseason experience, and Beckett has built a reputation for himself as the very best October pitcher in the game. Kazmir, a former Tampa Bay Ray, has seen a lot of Boston over his career; he is 8-7 with a 3.59 ERA in 23 regular-season starts against the Sox.

Advantage: Boston. We have Beckett. 'Nuff said.

Offense

The Angels and BoSox finished with the first and fourth best team batting averages in baseball, respectively. Both teams like to take pitches, and it was difficult for opposing pitchers to rack up strikeouts. The two lineups read like an All-Star ballot; in what other series are you going to find names like Kevin Youkilis, Vladimir Guerrero, Jason Bay, Kendry Morales, Victor Martinez and Bobby Abreu?

Advantage: Boston. Both teams have big names. Ours are just bigger.

Bullpen

One of the most compelling stories of this series will be how Angels closer Brian Fuentes fares against the umpires after his infamous meltdown when Anaheim visited Boston in September. The Sox bullpen is rock-solid at the back, with Hideki Okajima and Billy Wagner setting up for Jonathan Papelbon; one can only hope that the starters go far enough into games to go straight to OkiWagPap, bypassing the idiots (yes, I'm talking about Manny Delcarmen) that make up the middle relief.

Advantage: Anaheim. The Angels have a strong 'pen all the way through, unlike the bottom-heavy setup that we have now.

Bench

Maicer Izturis and Gary Matthews have been competent off the bench for the Angels, and one of the stories of the year for the Sox has been how the team's depth has allowed ailing and aging players like Mike Lowell to take much-needed days off.

Advantage: Boston. The Sox would not be in this position had it not been for our bench players; the same cannot be said about Anaheim.

Managers

Both Boston's Terry Francona and Anaheim's Mike Scioscia have guided their teams to World Series crowns and been named Manager of the Year. Not bad credentials for a couple of guys who are still managing their first teams. Scioscia tends to have his teams play small-ball, and there are few teams that hustle on every play like the Angels; Terry has more power to work with, and is less likely to send runners (besides speed freak Jacoby Ellsbury, who can run whenever the hell he wants as far as I'm concerned).

Advantage: Tie. Terry and Scioscia are studies in completely opposite forms of coaching, both of which have been successful in the past.

Series Prediction

Sox in four games. The playoffs really come down to experience, and recent memory says that Boston has experienced beating the crap out of Anaheim the last few postseasons. I see no reason why that trend won't continue this year.

Predictions Around the League (Pretending Like I Hadn't Watched the Games Tonight)

New York vs. Minnesota: Justin Verlander would have given the Tigers a couple wins, but I just don't think the Twins have the pitching or offensive firepower to match up with the Yankees--especially when three of the five games are going to be in the Bronx.

New York in three games

Los Angeles vs. St. Louis: I hate Manny Ramirez for shitting on the Sox a couple summers ago, so I'd be picking against the Dodgers anyway (even if they really are from Los Angeles).

St. Louis in five games

Philadelphia vs. Colorado: This one comes down to pitching. Neither team has declared their third starter, but I'd take Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels against pretty much any other pitching duo in the National League (outside of maybe LinceCain in San Francisco).

Philadelphia in three games

Ball Four

A few thoughts before I start panicking because I haven't done any homework this weekend:

1. I have to offer grudging congratulations to Derek Jeter for becoming the Yankees' all-time hits leader. To be the best hitter in the history of a club that fielded Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, and Mickey Mantle is pretty damn impressive. Now go burn in hell, Jeter.

2. The Sox are well on their way to dealing the Rays their 11th consecutive loss (it's 4-0 Boston in the ninth inning as I write this). Tampa's last three series have come against very good teams--Detroit, the Yanks, and us--but losing 11 straight is one hell of a way to take yourself out of the playoff race. Better luck next year, boys.

3. Daisuke Matsuzaka will be back on the mound on Tuesday after missing almost three months with shoulder problems; the question now will be whether he'll be the Dice-K of last year (18-3 with a 2.9o ERA) or the one from earlier this season (1-5, 8.23). Dice was the MVP of this year's World Baseball Classic, but you really have to wonder how the added stress on a pitcher's arm from playing in those games will effect that pitcher in the regular season. Based on what I've seen from Dice-K this season--which hasn't been much, since his longest start this year was 5.2 innings--I have to say that the WBC should either be scrapped entirely or should enforce a pitch count similar to the Little League World Series.

4. Theo Epstein apparently doesn't read my blog, or he would have called up at least one of my Backseat GM spotlights by now. That hurts, Theo.

I'm Going To Hate Myself For This Post

It's damn near impossible to be a Red Sox fan without occasionally complaining about the Yankees. There's been so much history between the two teams that they share a grossly twisted symbiotic relationship; you can't have one without the other.

My typical posts about the Yankees involve me bitching and moaning about how much I hate them (I run a 774-member Facebook group titled "Yankee Hater," for example). There are exceedingly rare instances, however, when even New York's staunchest anti-fan must concede a point to the Bronx Bastards. This is one of those instances, and this is why I'm going to be so disgusted with myself that I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Last night, Yankee captain Derek Jeter tied Lou Gehrig atop the New York all-time hits list with 2,721. Jeter executed a bunt single in the first inning against the Rays to break an 0-for-12 slump, and finished his three-hit night in the seventh inning by lining a single to right to tie the Iron Horse.

Jeter received a standing ovation from the sellout crowd at George Steinbrenner's Scale Model of Yankee Stadium, and (this is where I'm going to burn in Red Sox hell) I must say that he deserved it. There's a reason why he's one of only two designated team captains in the Majors; he's a damn good ballplayer.

Tying Gehrig is a remarkable accomplishment for anyone. Jeter is a class act; I hate the guy with a fiery passion for playing in the pinstripes, but I have to respect what he's done for baseball and his club. He would be an excellent role model if he played for any other team in the league. Of course, as long as random schmucks with PhotoShop give us pictures like this, he will continue to be a source for Red Sox ridicule. Thank God for technology.

And now, a poem I wrote while bored in a high school math class:

There once was a shortstop named Jeter
Who everyone knew was a cheater.
He swung and struck out
With a whine and a pout
And to the Red Sox, nothing was sweeter