Posts For Class: Sports Fanatacism

Well, the end of another semester has arrived. This blog began as an assignment for my sportswriting class, but I'm going to continue to keep it up; I know for a fact that it is the primary source of Red Sox information for at least one person (although that one person is GirlfriendRach, and I think she feels kinda obligated to read it).

My final project for the class was to write an article about my own sports fanaticism, a trait of mine that my reader(s) should have recognized by now; I'll post excerpts from the article tomorrow. Today, however, I'm going to post several videos of other fanatical sports fans as a sort of teaser. Each thing you are about to see, I have done. I am a Red Sox psychopath, and I have no regrets.

Phillies Baseball
I would love to say that I would be smart enough to not do this the next time the Red Sox make a deep playoff run. But I know that's all bullshit. I totally would.


Clemson Football
My heart goes out to this guy. I know what it feels like to have your heart ripped out and stomped on by a sports team. It takes a big man to cry over a sporting event. Fear not, ClemsonGuy; the University of Iowa will avenge your pain in the Orange Bowl.


Oregon State Football
This guy is cute. He thinks his school's football team is worth throwing a temper tantrum over. Let me tell you something, Guy; just because you beat USC a couple years ago doesn't erase the fact that your team is called the Beavers and wears bright orange.


Russian Soccer
OK, so I haven't done this one. The thing I love about this video is the fact that a little fat guy can run onto a field for the world's biggest sport, filled with some of the world's premier athletes (and Ronaldo), and is able to scamper around the field completely untouched. Seriously, where the hell is the security?


Photoshop Deluxe
I honestly couldn't tell you where this picture originated; it has been Photoshopped to tailor to just about every team in the world. As far as I know, these kid can be found flipping the bird to the archrival of Little Lord Fauntleroy's School for Albino Hemophiliacs. Coolest kid ever.

Posts For Class: Twitter Ethics

- How do media use Twitter for "good"?
- How do media combat/reach readers who don't know the difference between gossip and genuine reporting?

Twitter is a tricky technology. I've used it on this blog as a documentation of the emotional roller coaster that I ride when I watch the Sox, and it's therefore helped me to create what I feel are some of my funniest posts thus far. On the other side of the coin, however, lies the recent Tiger Woods debacle.

We've all heard about Tiger's car crash, and the media storm that followed. There have been reports of his infidelity, abuse of alcohol, addiction to prescription medications and survival of domestic abuse; about the only thing that Tiger has NOT been accused of this week is fathering seventeen illegitimate children while in Argentina with Bobo the Epileptic Hobo. In short, the media has had a field day with something that, in my opinion, should have remained private.

What bothers me is not that a tree hit Tiger's car at two in the morning. That happens all the time, both to high-profile celebrities and to Joe Schmoe. What really bothers me is that ALL we know is that he was in a car accident. The rest--his cheating, boozing, pill-popping, et al--has thus far been speculation. This is where Twitter gets dangerous. Tweets happen at the drop of a pin, and you can write just about anything you want. This phenomenon has sparked the usual paparazzi-type speculation about Tiger's accident into a flame of debauchery and drugs surrounding one of sport's most pristine figures.

The problem is that people believe what they want to hear and, for reasons unbeknown to me, love celebrity gossip. When an athlete who is arguably the face of American sports gets in a car crash at two in the morning, people are going to talk and people are going to make up shit to legitimize why he was leaving his house when he should have been in bed. That's human nature, and that's the problem with Twitter. It gives everyone a forum, including people who really don't deserve one.

Yes, Twitter can be used for good; it helped expose the recent Iranian election scandal, for example. There can be no doubt that it's one of the fastest ways for news to reach the masses. There needs to be some barrier, however, between Tweets about how much my Red Bull cost in the Denver airport last week ($4.75) and something that actually carries some sort of news implication. I realize that this would mean the Iranian situation would not have had as much of an immediate impact, but that was a story that would have broken anyway because there were hard facts. The Tiger situation has yet to produce any real evidence that alcohol or pills were involved, and Twitter has only served to cause every cable news station in America to speculate. That's not news, folks.

I realize that the barrier would go against everything that Twitter stands for; it's a free forum for anyone to post whatever the hell he or she wants. At the same time, however, we must look at Twitter and realize that it IS a forum for EVERYone. Does EVERYone have a press pass that allows them to get the hard facts about Tiger's car crash? No. Then should we be taking our news from a forum where the vast majority of users really have no idea what they're talking about? No. Let Tweeters Tweet and let reporters report. I don't think we can take news seriously when it's on an open forum like Twitter; there's simply too much uneducated bullshit blurring the lines on the site.

Finally, to paraphrase Chris Crocker: Leave Tiger ALONE!!!!

Now That Baseball Is Over...

Baseball is on hiatus (thanks a million, Yankees) and the offseason hasn't really begun yet (no, the Sox signing Jeremy Hermida does not count as starting the offseason when what we REALLY need is a shortstop and another power bat). What's a Sox fan supposed to do to fill his time? Methinks I should watch more "wrestling," if this is the sort of thing happens on a regular basis:



This is one of the more epic things I have ever seen. I can totally do that, I just don't wanna.

Also, a quick question for my Cubs fans out there: what the FUCK happened to Sammy Sosa's face?

Thanks to Hot Clicks for the links...even if Jimmy Traina is a Yankees fan.

Tweets From The World Series

For a Sox fan, there is only one thing worse than the baseball season being over. As of Wednesday night, the baseball season is over because the New York Yankees won the World Series. If that doesn't deserve a "FML," I don't know what does.

I hadn't been watching much of the Series prior to Game 6; as I've stated before on this blog, I hate watching the Yankees for any reason. I broke my own rule for Game 6, however, mainly because Pedro Martinez was pitching in a must-win game and Pedro is the only active player I would want to have in that situation. I'm a little biased towards the guy thanks to his time on the Sox (sub-par Game 6 performance aside, I'd have the man's babies in an instant), so I decided to break my Twitter boycott and bring back my Tweets From Game (Fill In The Blank) series for as long as Pedro was in the game.

I'll complain about the Series on another occasion (God knows I have a lot to complain about...damn Yankees and their 27 championships and their rich owner and their ridiculously hot WAGs), but for now, enjoy my Tweets From The World Series.
---
6:42 pm: Just realized Ozzie Guillen is a World Series analyst...bleepin' hilarious
--Does anyone else think it's ironic and awesome that baseball's answer to Bobby Knight was an analyst on FOX for the Series?

6:48: Someone step on a cat with bronchitis? Jesus that sucked
--Can someone please tell me how the hell Mary J. Blige earned a record deal? I've done better renditions of the National Anthem when I was singing in the shower and too drunk to remember the words.

6:54: Hard to believe this will be Pedro and Pettitte's first postseason matchup...go Petey!!!!
--FOX plays a promo that states that Game 6 will pit Pedro and Andy Pettitte against each other in the playoffs for the first time. Interesting for two guys who have been on so many playoff teams, particularly during Pedro's Red Sox years. Guess Pettitte was never an ace...oh, no I didn't!

7:07 pm: Mound meeting after one pitch? Wtf Pedro
--In all my years of watching baseball, I can't remember another time when I saw a meeting on the mound after one pitch (unless this was the pitch).

7:09: Matchup of the Idiots: Pedro 1, Judas 0
--Petey strikes out Judas with a 75-mph changeup. In case you're wondering, the answer is no: I have not referred to Judas by his given name since he betrayed the Sox.

7:28: Hey, Petey hit 86 mph...woot woot
--Pedro, who had been struggling with his velocity, finally breaks the 85-mph barrier for the first time all game.

7:29: 88? Hot damn
--...and on the very next pitch, he practically breaks the speed of light. Okay, not really.

7:32: Joe Buck thinks Pedro "could very well" get into the Hall...I think Joe Buck is an idiot
--Pedro has been the best pitcher in the Steroid Era; he is a LOCK to make the Hall of Fame on his first ballot. Joe Buck thinks he "could very well" make the Hall? Joe is, in my humble opinion, a...

7:43: When learn to speak English, Joe Buck will?
--Buck has this incredibly irritating habit of putting his subjects at the end of his sentences; "0-for-5, Francisco is." Stop it, Joe.

7:59: Matchup of the Idiots: Pedro 1, Judas 1
--Judas walks, and I die a little inside.

8:01 pm: Come on, Petey...you're supposed to hit JUDAS. Preferably in the face.
--Pedro hits the very next batter, Mark Texiera, with a pitch to load the bases. If you're going to hit anyone, please hit the traitorous sunofabitch with no morals, loyalty, or male genitalia.

8:05: That's why Pedro's the best pitcher in the 'Roid Era...he makes 'roiders look stupid
--Petey makes A-Roid look like, well...

8:12: Aww, did ickle Judas get a booboo? Grow a pair, douchebag
--Judas leaves the game with a hamstring pull. There's nothing I enjoy more than seeing Judas get hurt, but I really do prefer when it's something manly. Like what Randy Johnson did to that bird. That would be manly, Judas. Take notes.

8:46: I really hope that's not the last we see of Pedro...not his best stuff, but a champion nonetheless
--Pedro was pulled after five innings. It was the last appearance of his contract with the Phillies, and I don't have words to express how badly I want him to come back for another year. He's one of my favorite players ever; I'll even forgive him for the shitshow that was Game 6 (more on that in my next post).

Top Three Pedro vs. Yankees Moments

Last week, Pedro Martinez (in his infinite awesomeness) claimed that he is "the most influential player that ever stepped in Yankee Stadium." This is up for debate (some guy named Babe Ruth spent quite a bit of time in the Cathedral, after all), but the 38-year-old has had more than his share of fabulous moments against the Pinstripes. I love the guy for all the time he put in with the Sox, and when Petey gets another chance to face the Yanks in an hour, I'll personally be hoping for another one of these:

3. Jeter and Soriano Hospitalized: Pedro has never been afraid of any batter, and proved it in 2003 when he sent both Derek Jeter and Alfonso Soriano to the hospital with beanballs. Throwing at batters is one of my least favorite parts of the game, but I'll excuse anything when it happens to the Yankees. Which leads quite nicely to...

2. The Pedro-Zimmer Incident: I don't exactly condone this particular moment, but you can't deny that it helped cement his legacy as the Yanks' most-hated opponent of the decade. Yankees bench coach Don Zimmer was 72 years old, and should have known better than to bullrush anybody during a bench-clearing brawl. Pedro probably shouldn't have grabbed his face and pushed him to the ground, but what else would he have done in the situation? Baseball rules don't allow a pitcher to carry a toreador flag onto the field, so Pedro did the next best thing. Not that I condone violence against the Yankees, of course.


1. Pedro's 17 K's: Vintage Pedro, the guy the Phillies really need to show up tonight. On September 10, 1999, Petey blew the Yankees away with 17 strikeouts in a one-hit complete game; the win helped wrap up Pedro's first Cy Young award, and helped me fall in love with the guy. Who's your daddy, New York?

A Moment Of Schadenfreude

I haven't been following the World Series especially closely, because I hate the Yankees so much that I try to avoid watching them unless it's absolutely necessary (i.e., when they play the Sox). I've been keeping track of the scores, and that's about it...until last night.

I was sitting on the Internet in GirlfriendRach's room following Game 5 last night, and I came across this gem on Yahoo!. I started cackling uncontrollably, because I am a horrible person and I love watching the Yankees suffer. GirlfriendRach, who has so far been able to resist my attempts to turn her into a baseball fan, looked up at me and delivered the line of the night.

Me: "Mwahaha...heeheehee...hehehe...hohoho..."
GirlfriendRach: "...baby, I love you but that's really creepy."

Yeah, I get that a lot.

Posts For Class: West High Season Preview

This blog originated as an assignment for a sportswriting class at the University of Iowa, and I therefore must occasionally update it with posts that do not relate to the Red Sox or how much I hate the Yankees (who are losing in Game 1 of the World Series as I write this, and there is much rejoicing). This post is the first in that series: enjoy.
---
BJ Mayer does not subscribe to the theory that basketball players must be tall to be successful. The head coach of the Iowa City West High girls' basketball program, Mayer fields a team that reached the second round of the playoffs last year despite having only four players taller than 5 feet 9 inches.

"We're not tall, so our weakness will be defending inside," said Mayer. "We want to create a tempo that's chaotic and crazy to get other teams out of their element...we want to wear teams down."

The Trojans will need that tempo in order to compensate for the loss of last year's two leading scorers, departed seniors Emma Krieger Kittle and Madison Sadecky. The team will focus more on three-point shots, hoping that their pressing defense will create more opportunities on the offensive side of the court. Mayer expects guard Kristin Fomon to be the Trojans' main threat behind the three-point line, and the senior is also a front-runner for a spot as team captain.

The Trojans begin official practice on Nov. 9, and Mayer will begin the season by focusing on team chemistry and installing the new, high-octane playbook.

"The kids need to play together...we have a lot of new varsity players, and they need to get on the same page," said Mayer. "It's very important that we get off to a good start so that we're able to get the young kids some confidence and allow them to play relaxed."

My Five Stages

Yes, I did rip the title of this post from an episode of Scrubs. I've never really bought into the Dr. Phil psychobabble that the Kübler-Ross model of grief seems to reflect, but at this point I'm open to pretty much anything that will make me forget the humiliation of being swept by an Anaheim team that we've dominated in the postseason for as long as I can remember. Even Dr. Phil-type crap.

Stage 1: Denial: When the Angels pulled ahead in the ninth inning, I was still optimistic. Hell, our third batter in the inning was going to be reigning MVP Dustin Pedroia...we were going to be fine.

Stage 2: Anger: I did a job on my room when the game ended. I kicked over RoommateCoop's ironing board. I let out a string of profanity that Bobby Knight would be proud of. And, of course, I continued to channel Coach Knight by throwing my chair across the room. I scare myself sometimes.

Stage 3: Bargaining: Dusty knocks a fly ball over the infield, and I respond with: "Drop, drop, drop, dear God please fucking drop..." I'm an atheist. For me to invoke God takes a lot.

Stage 4: Depression: Dusty's ball is caught, and I collapse. I sob. I pound the floor. I was a wreck. It took a long walk and Dairy Queen therapy with my girlfriend for me to crack the smallest of smiles. That DQ Pumpkin Pie Blizzard is divine.

Stage 5: Acceptance: I'm still working on this one, not gonna lie, but I think I'm doing a little better. The Sox were out-pitched, out-hit and out-hearted by Anaheim; I can't deny it, and there's not much point in trying. The season is over, but a new one begins in March. In the meantime, there will be plenty of news for me to follow. Free agents will come and go, the Varitek era will officially come to a close, and hopefully Theo will make some moves to put us in a better position next year (first suggestion: get rid of Manny Fucking Delcarmen, already). We once waited 86 years for a World Series victory; next season will mark the third year of our current dry spell, and I'm okay with that in the big picture. We still got this, baby...I've accepted it.

"Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Red Sox, you are the only, only, only"
- Dropkick Murphys

Tweets From Game 3

I'm devastated. When Dustin Pedroia flew out to end the season, I went insane. I kicked over RoommateCoop's ironing board. I pulled a Bobby Knight and chucked my game-watching chair across the room. Finally, I collapsed to the ground and sobbed into my Curt Schilling jersey. I stayed like that for a long time.

I had hoped that my Tweet series would last longer than two posts, but I guess that wasn't meant to be this year. Still, I had fun doing it (especially when it looked like we would win Game 3; I mean, come on, we were one fucking strike away), so here are my Tweets from yesterday afternoon.

I'm going to take a while to heal and figure out where this blog is going to go now that the season is over. I'll still be posting regularly, but if you're looking for more level-headed and rational Sox analysis during my healing period, you should check out my friend Evelyn at What's Bruin In Beantown.

Also, you may have noticed that my last post came well before the end of the game. I was in no shape to Tweet after the final run. I was too busy panicking. Before the playoffs, I had no reason to use Twitter besides to occasionally talk about my breakfasts when I was especially bored. As such, I probably won't be updating my page for a long, long time. Twitter is stupid.

1:26 pm: Just realized the time difference means the Sox game is already half over...I'm such a bad fan.
--The Sunday game came just a few hours after the University of Iowa's Homecoming festivities ended, so I have to admit that I was asleep during the first six innings of the game. Still, coming in while we were up 5-2 made me kinda happy.

1:36: I'm starting to appreciate Bard a hell of a lot more.
--Daniel Bard strikes out two and enduces a groundout in his second inning of work.

1:40: Does Buck Martinez's voice make anyone else want to kick a baby, or is that just me?
--Don Orsillo was a nice choice as the play-by-play man for the series (but I might be a little biased). Martinez as the color man? Not so much.

1:51: Someone tell George Lopez that he's not remotely funny and to leave my baseball alone.
--The problem with TBS is that they plug the same damn shows over and over and over again. That's especially problematic when the show belongs to Lopez (although they played his spots much less frequently than Frank Caliendo's crap last year).

1:53: Social D makes a much better highlight song than Bon Jovi.
--"Reach For The Sky" vs. "We Weren't Born To Follow"? Bon Jovi was so 1985.

1:56: Something about Wagner's delivery bothers me...wont argue with the results though.
--Seriously, someone should shoot the guy who taught Billy Wagner his mechanics. They're just butt-ugly.

1:57: ...case in point. Siddown Hunter, you annoying bastard.
--Wagner strikes out Torii Hunter looking, and there was much rejoicing.

2:01 pm: C'mon, Wags...you cant walk Guerrero, thats impossible.
--Vladimir Guerrero, who literally swings at anything within 20 feet of the strike zone, draws a walk. I'll go ahead and blame Wagner's delivery.

2:09: Get some, Willits.
--Papelbon picks off Angels pinch runner Reggie Willits by a mile.

2:16: I love it when Bay strikes out without swinging once.
--I love Jason Bay, and think Theo pulled off the trade of the decade to get him, but a slugger can do a hell of a lot more for his team when he swings the fucking bat.

2:22: Yeah baby...no way Papi would have scored on that.
--Joey Gathright scores on a Mike Lowell single after pinch running for David Ortiz...Papi would have stopped at third and asked for oxygen.

2:26: Crunch time...we got this.
--Top of the ninth, two-run lead, Papelbon on the mound...how the hell did we not win this game?

2:27: It should be illegal to record a Beatles cover as bad as the one in the Blackberry ad...blasphemy.
--At this point, I was still optimistic enough to complain about commercials. Funny how quickly that changed.

2:33: I'd forgotten how shiny Terry's head is.
--Francona takes off his cap, and I'm temporarily blinded. Unfortunately, my vision returns in time for me to witness Papelbon's breakdown.

2:43: Pap takes too long between pitches...I'm having heart attacks here.
--It's one thing if you wait 37 minutes in between pitches and get positive results. It's a whole 'nother thing if you single-handedly end your team's season.

2:47: FUCK.
--Guerrero drives in the go-ahead run. It's about this time that I stop caring about Twitter and just start praying to the baseball gods for a miracle. Thanks for completely ignoring me, baseball gods. I'll send you guys the bill for my new game-watching chair.

Manic Depression Is A Frustrating Mess

I hoped I wouldn't have to write this post this year. This was supposed to be the year. This was supposed to be the third time this decade where I could run screaming through the halls, screaming my love for the Sox at the top of my lungs. This was supposed to be the year where I could dance in the middle of the street without worrying about getting hit by a bus or looking like Bobo the Epileptic Hobo, a year where I would be so happy that nothing else would matter.

Fuck Anaheim.

Tweets From Last Night

So I finally figured out the best way to utilize my Twitter account that I've almost never used: I can use it to keep track of my thoughts during Sox games, woot woot! I'm pretty sure that last night's humiliating 0-5 loss (we still got this, don't worry Sox fans) gave me some pretty good material to work with here.

Editor's notes: Posts have been edited for punctuation and capitalization, both of which I am too lazy to consider while texting during one of the biggest nights of the year.

8:47 pm: It's only the second night of the playoffs, and I already want to beat George Lopez with an ironing board.

--TBS plays its first "Lopez Tonight" spot of the game; the station would plug the upcoming show four times during the game broadcast.

8:57: Guerrero, taking a pitch? WTF?

--Angels slugger Vladimir Guerrero doesn't swing at a pitch for the first time ever.

8:58: Marry me, Mike Lowell.

--Sox third baseman makes a beautiful diving play to rob Guerrero of a hit.

9:05 pm: Run out your fucking grounders, Papi.

--David Ortiz walks to first after grounding to Angels first baseman Kendry Morales. Lazy.

9:21: My girlfriend just witnessed my first angry outburst of the game...I think she's terrified.

--JD Drew watches a fat fastball for a strike, and I go ballistic.

9:34: I love when my mom calls during the game and I miss the Ellsbury interference call...love you too, Ma.

--I actually have no idea what happened on this play. Because I was on the phone. Grrr.

9:42: Really, Joe West? Was that REALLY a ball? You need to retire. Now.

--Home plate umpire West rules an obvious third strike to Torii Hunter a ball; Hunter then walks. And I go ballistic.

9:58: I hate these fucking umpires.

--First base ump CB Bucknor rules Angels second baseman Howie Kendrick safe at first, even though Youkilis clearly tagged him out. And I go ballistic.

10:02 pm: Way to fight, Jonny.

--Jon Lester records his fifth (and final) strikeout in his first four innings of work.

10:07: I want a divorce, Mike Lowell.

--Lowell grounds into a double play. And I go ballistic.

10:13: We need to get our throws to first on line, this is stupid.

--An easy throw to first base is off target for the third time in the game; Chone Figgins is safe on the play. You can probably guess how I react.

10:17: Girlfriend after Aybar reaches third: "You look sad..."

--Fairly self-explanatory.

10:19: Goddamnmotherfuckingshitballssonofabitch.

--Hunter hits a three-run homer for the first runs of the game.

10:41: I want full custody, Mike Lowell.

--Lowell throws away yet another out at first. And yes, I go ballistic.

10:46: Ellsbury makes me so happy, it's not even funny.

--Jacoby Ellsbury makes a gorgeous diving catch in center to save a run. And I go ballistic, but in a good way.

10:53: I want the house too, Mike Lowell.

--Lowell pops out behind the plate. Really not his night.

11:01 pm: At this point, Abeu should just bypass the batter's box and go straight to the basepaths.

--Angels right fielder draws his fourth walk of the game. And at this point, I just start getting depressed.

11:12: Just kidding, Mike Lowell, you can have the house.

--Lowell throws home and then receives the throw back at third to turn a double play that saves a run in a bases-loaded jam. And I smile a little bit inside.

11:15: I'm putting a hit out on you, Mike Lowell.

--Jason Bay's throw bounces off Lowell's glove and rolls away; two runs score, and I die a little bit inside.

11:34: Bard is making them look like they're swinging those swimming pool noodle thingies.

--Reliever Daniel Bard uses his 100-mph fastball to record a groundout and two K's in the ninth inning.

11:46: Goddamnmotherfuckingshitballssonofabitchskankasswhorevagina.

--Game over: Red Sox 0, Angels 5. And I go ballistic.

Smell That? That's The Postseason!

Good news, Sox fans: after a long bout with bronchitis and a series of computer problems (the bureaucrats at my university thought it would be a good idea to lock me out of my Internet account for three weeks), your favorite angry, whiny Californian Sox blogger is back in business. I know that this blog is the only source of Red Sox information for most of my readers (cough, Rachael, cough), so this should make you very happy. Just in time for the playoffs, too.

October has arrived, and along with the crappy weather and inundation of Halloween swag at your local CVS, that means that playoff baseball is here. This makes me unbelievably happy. It seems like the Sox play the Anaheim Angels (I'm from California; Anaheim is most definitely NOT in Los Angeles, no matter what Angels owner Arte Moreno wants you to think) in the ALDS every year, and this also makes me very happy. That's because the BoSox are 9-1 over the past three postseason series against the Not Los Angeles Angels. The Angels obviously would like to break that trend this year, so I will break down the key matchups in my very objective and unbiased opinion.

Starting Pitching

The Sox throw Jon Lester, Josh Beckett and Clay Buchholz against Anaheim, who counter with John Lackey, Jered Weaver and Scott Kazmir. These are easily the most compelling pitching matchups in this round of the playoffs, the only ones that could really go either way every night. All five except Buchholz have had postseason experience, and Beckett has built a reputation for himself as the very best October pitcher in the game. Kazmir, a former Tampa Bay Ray, has seen a lot of Boston over his career; he is 8-7 with a 3.59 ERA in 23 regular-season starts against the Sox.

Advantage: Boston. We have Beckett. 'Nuff said.

Offense

The Angels and BoSox finished with the first and fourth best team batting averages in baseball, respectively. Both teams like to take pitches, and it was difficult for opposing pitchers to rack up strikeouts. The two lineups read like an All-Star ballot; in what other series are you going to find names like Kevin Youkilis, Vladimir Guerrero, Jason Bay, Kendry Morales, Victor Martinez and Bobby Abreu?

Advantage: Boston. Both teams have big names. Ours are just bigger.

Bullpen

One of the most compelling stories of this series will be how Angels closer Brian Fuentes fares against the umpires after his infamous meltdown when Anaheim visited Boston in September. The Sox bullpen is rock-solid at the back, with Hideki Okajima and Billy Wagner setting up for Jonathan Papelbon; one can only hope that the starters go far enough into games to go straight to OkiWagPap, bypassing the idiots (yes, I'm talking about Manny Delcarmen) that make up the middle relief.

Advantage: Anaheim. The Angels have a strong 'pen all the way through, unlike the bottom-heavy setup that we have now.

Bench

Maicer Izturis and Gary Matthews have been competent off the bench for the Angels, and one of the stories of the year for the Sox has been how the team's depth has allowed ailing and aging players like Mike Lowell to take much-needed days off.

Advantage: Boston. The Sox would not be in this position had it not been for our bench players; the same cannot be said about Anaheim.

Managers

Both Boston's Terry Francona and Anaheim's Mike Scioscia have guided their teams to World Series crowns and been named Manager of the Year. Not bad credentials for a couple of guys who are still managing their first teams. Scioscia tends to have his teams play small-ball, and there are few teams that hustle on every play like the Angels; Terry has more power to work with, and is less likely to send runners (besides speed freak Jacoby Ellsbury, who can run whenever the hell he wants as far as I'm concerned).

Advantage: Tie. Terry and Scioscia are studies in completely opposite forms of coaching, both of which have been successful in the past.

Series Prediction

Sox in four games. The playoffs really come down to experience, and recent memory says that Boston has experienced beating the crap out of Anaheim the last few postseasons. I see no reason why that trend won't continue this year.

Predictions Around the League (Pretending Like I Hadn't Watched the Games Tonight)

New York vs. Minnesota: Justin Verlander would have given the Tigers a couple wins, but I just don't think the Twins have the pitching or offensive firepower to match up with the Yankees--especially when three of the five games are going to be in the Bronx.

New York in three games

Los Angeles vs. St. Louis: I hate Manny Ramirez for shitting on the Sox a couple summers ago, so I'd be picking against the Dodgers anyway (even if they really are from Los Angeles).

St. Louis in five games

Philadelphia vs. Colorado: This one comes down to pitching. Neither team has declared their third starter, but I'd take Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels against pretty much any other pitching duo in the National League (outside of maybe LinceCain in San Francisco).

Philadelphia in three games

Ball Four

A few thoughts before I start panicking because I haven't done any homework this weekend:

1. I have to offer grudging congratulations to Derek Jeter for becoming the Yankees' all-time hits leader. To be the best hitter in the history of a club that fielded Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, and Mickey Mantle is pretty damn impressive. Now go burn in hell, Jeter.

2. The Sox are well on their way to dealing the Rays their 11th consecutive loss (it's 4-0 Boston in the ninth inning as I write this). Tampa's last three series have come against very good teams--Detroit, the Yanks, and us--but losing 11 straight is one hell of a way to take yourself out of the playoff race. Better luck next year, boys.

3. Daisuke Matsuzaka will be back on the mound on Tuesday after missing almost three months with shoulder problems; the question now will be whether he'll be the Dice-K of last year (18-3 with a 2.9o ERA) or the one from earlier this season (1-5, 8.23). Dice was the MVP of this year's World Baseball Classic, but you really have to wonder how the added stress on a pitcher's arm from playing in those games will effect that pitcher in the regular season. Based on what I've seen from Dice-K this season--which hasn't been much, since his longest start this year was 5.2 innings--I have to say that the WBC should either be scrapped entirely or should enforce a pitch count similar to the Little League World Series.

4. Theo Epstein apparently doesn't read my blog, or he would have called up at least one of my Backseat GM spotlights by now. That hurts, Theo.

I'm Going To Hate Myself For This Post

It's damn near impossible to be a Red Sox fan without occasionally complaining about the Yankees. There's been so much history between the two teams that they share a grossly twisted symbiotic relationship; you can't have one without the other.

My typical posts about the Yankees involve me bitching and moaning about how much I hate them (I run a 774-member Facebook group titled "Yankee Hater," for example). There are exceedingly rare instances, however, when even New York's staunchest anti-fan must concede a point to the Bronx Bastards. This is one of those instances, and this is why I'm going to be so disgusted with myself that I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Last night, Yankee captain Derek Jeter tied Lou Gehrig atop the New York all-time hits list with 2,721. Jeter executed a bunt single in the first inning against the Rays to break an 0-for-12 slump, and finished his three-hit night in the seventh inning by lining a single to right to tie the Iron Horse.

Jeter received a standing ovation from the sellout crowd at George Steinbrenner's Scale Model of Yankee Stadium, and (this is where I'm going to burn in Red Sox hell) I must say that he deserved it. There's a reason why he's one of only two designated team captains in the Majors; he's a damn good ballplayer.

Tying Gehrig is a remarkable accomplishment for anyone. Jeter is a class act; I hate the guy with a fiery passion for playing in the pinstripes, but I have to respect what he's done for baseball and his club. He would be an excellent role model if he played for any other team in the league. Of course, as long as random schmucks with PhotoShop give us pictures like this, he will continue to be a source for Red Sox ridicule. Thank God for technology.

And now, a poem I wrote while bored in a high school math class:

There once was a shortstop named Jeter
Who everyone knew was a cheater.
He swung and struck out
With a whine and a pout
And to the Red Sox, nothing was sweeter

The Backseat GM's Guide To Postseason Success: Pt 3

I'm confused. Can someone please tell me what the hell has happened to Josh Beckett?

Everyone in the Sox organization has been saying that Beckett is healthy, and pitching coach Dave Magadan has been blaming Beckett's loss in velocity and explosion of home runs on a "mechanical problem." Whatever the reason, the Sox ace hasn't won since August 12, surrendering 27 runs and 12 homers (five against the Yankees) in that span. Beckett was a legitimate contender for the AL Cy Young Award going into August, but any chances of winning have since fallen by the wayside.

Beck pitched slightly better last night, but still took the loss after struggling and giving up three runs in the third inning. Hideki Okajima didn't fare any better, giving away two more runs in his inning of relief. Beckett and Okie are supposed to be two of our most consistent hurlers; if they continue to have issues keeping the ball in the park and holding crappy offensive teams within striking distance, then the pitching staff needs immediate help.

1. Adam Mills
Help may come in the form of Mills, a 24-year-old starter from Maryland who has rocketed through the Sox farm system since being drafted in the eighth round in 2007. The righty has posted a 3:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio and held opponents to a .286 batting average with Portland (AA) and Pawtucket (AAA) this year; the logical next stop for Mills is Fenway.

While Mills' pitches have been described as average, he possesses impeccable control and composure on the mound. His 88-mph fastball may not overpower many batters, but it becomes devastating when mixed with his changeup; watching him on the mound should remind fans of Pedro Martinez' recent work.

The only strike against Mills is his age (or lack thereof). He has only been a professional ballplayer for two full years, and wasn't even promoted to AAA until August 12 of this year. Still, anyone who can work his way through one of baseball's best farm systems in just over two years deserves to be considered by the Major League club in September. He may be the least likely of my Backseat GM players to make the team this year, but Adam Mills will be a household name in Sox Nation very soon.

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One final thought: two former Sox, Martinez and John Smoltz, will face each other in tonight's Philadelphia-St. Louis matchup. I've loved Pedro for years, and as horrendous as Smoltzy was during his stint with the Sox earlier this year (2-5 with an 8.33 ERA over eight starts), it's hard not to root for the guy. It'll be interesting to see which future Hall-of-Famer wins the Battle of the Geriatrics tonight.

The Backseat GM's Guide To Postseason Success: Pt 2

Today's edition of The Backseat GM marks a slight departure from last week's pilot episode; while my last post focused on a young pitcher who will hopefully offer some much-needed bullpen relief in coming months, the way Boston has been handled by the ChiSox this weekend convinced me that pitching is not the only thing the team needs.

Boston was outscored 17-3 in the first two games of the Chicago series this weekend. That kind of offensive ineptitude just shouldn't happen against a team like the White Sox, who have somehow found a way to lose 69 games despite having the second-best ERA in the American League. Hell, we didn't even face Mark Buerhle this series; how do we only score three runs off of Freddy Garcia and Gavin Floyd?

GM Theo Epstein has put together an offensive lineup that has the potential to be the best in the Majors. Unfortunately for us, some of the pieces in that lineup--namely David Ortiz and Mike Lowell--have struggled with inconsistency, age, and injury this season. Even reigning MVP Dustin Pedroia has struggled at times this year. The Chicago series only proves that we won't be a realistic threat in the playoffs until we put together a more consistent offense. Manager Terry Francona needs players he can bring off the bench without sacrificing firepower; he needs...

2. Lars Anderson
Anderson has to be one of the unluckiest guys in professional baseball. The 21-year-old from Oakland possesses sublime offensive abilities and is a solid defensive first baseman with some experience in left field. He batted .303 in his first two years in the Minors, was listed as the 25th best prospect in baseball by MLB.com, and has been compared to Mets first baseman Carlos Delgado.

Of course, none of this makes him sound anything but blessed. The only problem is that he plays in the Red Sox organization; his path to the Majors is therefore blocked by the depth of the big club at his defensive positions. How is he going to play first base if Kevin Youkilis and Victor Martinez--both of whom play better defense than Anderson--are locked into the position for the foreseeable future? Anderson hasn't played left field since high school, so how would he break into an outfield patrolled by Jacoby Ellsbury, Jason Bay, and J.D. Drew?

None of these problems matter much when you look at Anderson's offensive scouting reports, however. He's a left-handed opposite-field slugger, meaning that his swing could not have been tailored any better for Fenway Park's Green Monstah in left field. He has a sweet power stroke but is not overanxious at the plate. His compact swing and knowledge of the strike zone are unusual tools for a batter his size (6 feet 4 inches, 210 pounds).

Anderson may not permanently make the Red Sox roster for a few years, but there is no reason why Theo should not call him up for the postseason. He can pinch-hit for Jason Varitek late in games, serving as an offensive upgrade off the bench similar to Jim Thome's new role for the Dodgers. If Ortiz continues to struggle to hit for average, Anderson can take over as designated hitter (because you can't really be a DH if you can't, you know, hit). This kid has almost unlimited potential at the plate; we need to use him instead of keeping him locked away in the Minors.

The Backseat GM's Guide To Postseason Success: Pt 1

Jesus Christ, I hate Manny Delcarmen. This is exactly what I was talking about in my last post when I said that the Sox bullpen needs immediate help. I'm not taking anything away from Evan Longoria; he's a fantastic young player who will be an All-Star for years to come, and the swing that he put into his game-sealing home run last night was one of the purest that I have ever seen. On the flip side, however, anyone who leaves a pitch as far over the plate as Delcarmen did last night--while facing one of the league's premier hitters, no less--simply does not deserve to be on a team with playoff aspirations. My buddy JHall put it best when he told me that "the only reason [he] can tolerate Delcarmen is because he went to [his] high school." I don't have that connection with the guy, so I can honestly say that I don't give a flying fuck if Delcarmen is from Boston or not; he needs to go away.

But enough of my bitching. I mentioned last time that this post would be dedicated to young pitchers who should crack the Sox roster in the next few weeks. Delcarmen's meltdown--and the lack of depth in the 'pen brought on by Billy Wagner and Jonathan Papelbon's lengthy appearances on Sept. 1--only proves that this move is necessary. Therefore, without further ado, I bring you:

3. Michael Bowden
Bowden's Major League career has been somewhat of an enigma. In three games with the Sox, including two relief appearances against the Yankees this year, he has posted an unremarkable 9.00 ERA. The Yanks scored 7 runs against him in his four innings of relief this year, tagging the 22-year-old for a .400 batting average and 2.75 WHIP. These are obviously not great numbers for anyone (not even Delcarmen).

One has to remember, however, that Bowden's numbers this year were inflated by an ugly outing on August 21. This was a game that the Yankees took 20-11; there wasn't much anyone in the world could do to stop them that night.

Instead, focus on Bowden's previous outing (April 26) and his Minor League career. Bowden handcuffed the Yankees in his first call-up this year, striking out two and holding the rest hitless over two innings.

Bowden's path through the Sox farm system has been even more noteworthy. He has posted a 2:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio and 3.13 ERA in 24 starts with Pawtucket (AAA) this year, and tore up Portland (AA) in 2008 with 101 strikeouts over 104 innings. Not too shabby, kid.

The point is that Bowden has big-league stuff and would be a perfect fit in the Sox bullpen for the stretch run. It will be a couple years before he breaks into the Majors as a regular starter, but he can help in the meantime by using his stamina, burning heater and filthy curveball in long relief (hopefully replacing Delcarmen).

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A quick side note: it was interesting to see two of Sept. 1's call-ups make an immediate impact in last night's game. Joey Gathright stole a crucial base (a sprint that was eerily reminiscent of Dave Roberts' theft in the 2004 ALCS) and George Kottaras sold a beautiful play at the plate to prevent Greg Zaun from adding another run in the 8th. Good job, guys. Now let's focus on the pitching, please.

Harvest Time

September 1 is a glorious day in baseball. With the humidity of July and August behind them and the postseason a short month away, the 29 teams of Major League Baseball--and the Pittsburgh Pirates--can focus on the future by expanding their rosters to hold 40 men.

The Sox began their harvest of the farm system today by calling up five players with previous Major League experience. Joey Gathright (OF) is a speed freak who will complement Jacoby Ellsbury on the basepaths; George Kottaras (C), who seemed expendable after the Sox picked up Victor Martinez at the trade deadline, deepens the backstop; Chris Woodward (SS/2B) and his prominent ears have already filled in for Jed Lowrie this year (but then again, who hasn't?); defensive wunderkind Brian Anderson (OF) played three games with the Sox after being acquired from Chicago in the Mark Kotsay deal; and Junichi Tazawa (SP) makes his return to Boston after a meaningless two-day stint in the Gulf Coast League.

What strikes me as odd is that GM Theo Epstein hasn't yet called up more pitchers. The Sox are among the top teams in baseball both offensively and defensively; our only glaring weakness is on the mound, particularly at the back of the starting rotation and the middle of the bullpen (I'm talking about you, Manny Delcarmen). Why try and fit Gathright and Anderson into an already stacked and healthy outfield when Daniel Bard can't control his 100-mph fastball enough to get outs? Daisuke Matsuzaka is on the way back from the injury problems that have nagged him all year, but how is third-string catcher Kottaras going to help the team if Dice-K continues to struggle?

Theo still has time and ten roster spots to work with before the postseason starts in October. With that being said, my next few entries will highlight the three players from the Sox farm system that I think need to be called up in order for the team to make a legitimate run at the World Series trophy. Check back tomorrow for the first installment of "The Backseat GM's Guide To Postseason Success."

An Introduction to an Obsession

Christians have Jesus; Muslims have Allah; I have the Boston Red Sox.

I'll be the first to admit that my love affair with the Sox borders on obsession. My dorm room at the University of Iowa is a veritable shrine to Pedro Martinez (back when he was, you know, good) and Daisuke Matsuzaka, my wardrobe is built around my collection of Sox jerseys and t-shirts, and I recently had the Boston logo tattooed on my arm. My name is Cali, and I'm addicted to the Red Sox.

Blame my addiction on my father. He was born and raised in New England as the younger brother of (God knows why) a Yankees fan. It was therefore his brotherly duty to do the opposite of everything his big brother did, a duty that included becoming a Red Sox and Brooklyn Dodger booster. When I showed up a few decades later, he passed this ideal on to me. The rest, as they say, is history.

I live and breathe for the BoSox. I cried when Aaron Fuckin' Boone knocked my boys out of the 2003 postseason. I hyperventilated when we finally broke the Curse of the Bambino the next year. I had an orgasm when I snapped a picture of David Ortiz slapping the game-winning double against the Rays in my first game at Fenway in August of 2007. Hell, I'd have Dustin Pedroia's babies in a heartbeat. Now, through the wonders of the Internet, I can share my addiction with the world. You've been warned.

"Don't blame us if we ever doubt you
You know we couldn't live without you
Red Sox, you are the only only only"
- Dropkick Murphys